Ditching Perfectionism: What Islam Taught Me About Self-Acceptance

Doing your best is more than enough, believe me.

Salam everyone,

I pray you’re all doing fantastic, especially with Ramadan coming up, Allahumma Ballighna Ramadan, may this one be the best one you’ve had yet!

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So a few weeks ago, my laptop broke. 10 years I’d had it, gifted by my dad (Allah y rahmo) it was. I studied all my exams on it, created all the projects that changed my life on it, so it definitely held some sentimental value, but I was able to see past that, telling myself that nothing truly belongs to us. It was simply meant to happen, and there’s not much I could have done about it.

However, the unexpected expense that came with having to replace it made me so mad at myself for not being able to afford that easily. I wasn’t asking Allah why it was happening to me, but it still made me worried and led me to question myself. How am I suppose to get through the month now? I should’ve saved more… Ugh, and this paid opportunity I refused because I felt too tired and overwhelmed? Should have thought about it twice. I’m 30 and not able to easily replace my main work tool when people are going on Umrah, buying houses, retiring their parents… It’s all my fault, should’ve made better choices. I should’ve worked more, harder, I should’ve done better.

While I fortunately ended up chasing that thought out of my brain quickly, you might still be thinking “girl, it’s literally just a laptop, how did it turn out into an existential crisis? You probably did the best you could’ve done” — fair enough, that’s because you don’t know how much of an overthinker, supposedly ex-perfectionist I am.

I’ve talked about this in my book, but the oldest child + top-of-class student combo easily makes you very performance driven, a bit of a control freak which consequently impacts your tawakkul — because let’s be honest, that you usually means you tend to rely on yourself first and foremost.

“Nothing is difficult if you seek it through your Lord and nothing is easy if you seek it through yourself.”

Ahmad Ibn ‘Ata Allah

I have many memories of me being a perfectionist freak:

• Exhibit 1: Being mad/crying for not having excellent, if not perfect grades.

• Exhibit 2: Delaying salah just so I could work on a paper or my slides until I was 100% satisfied with them.

• Exhibit 3: Group projects meant that I’d stay up all night, taking up the work of others to make sure it was all good.

• Exhibit 4: Being so obsessed with everything looking perfect when I started my account on Instagram and deleting a post with the smallest typo or misplaced item to repost it once corrected… (which is funny because looking back now, there are so many things I’d change in these past posts but also, you will not find me deleting and re-uploading anything if that happens now haha!)

The issue that I realized overtime and led me to seek mindfulness is how I thought my value lied in me performing outstandingly in everything I was doing. Putting this much pressure on yourself is so unhealthy mentally speaking, but also, so far from what Allah (swt) expects from you. For many years, I assumed that if the result of my work was less than perfect or excellent, then it wasn’t any good but Islam taught me otherwise—not only that perfection belongs to Allah alone, but something much deeper.

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Perfectionism vs. Ihsan

One of the biggest shifts in my mindset happened when I truly grasped the concept of Ihsan. It is often translated as excellence, but I think it’s more profound than that.

Perfectionism demands flawlessness, which is literally impossible for us since Allah created us perfectly imperfect, and control, which we only have to a certain extent through our free will and discipline (by the way, isn’t it comforting to know that He is in control of everything and has it all figured out for us anyway? Alhamdulillah)

Ihsan on the other hand is about doing your best with sincerity, not obsessing over an unattainable standard that actually highlights the breaches in your ego and self-esteem. Of course you should want to work towards becoming a better human than the one you were yesterday, but it’s not about how big or how numerous the things you accomplish are.

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: "Indeed, Allah has prescribed ihsan in all things." (Muslim 1955), which means that you can aim to do even slightly better everyday through your smallest actions and that will still be considered as Ihsan to Allah, because He is that merciful and truly didn’t make religion difficult for us. Once again, it is all about how intentional you are.

Here’s a metaphor I came up with and love to share:

Imagine you’re going on a long a journey and at some point, you have to choose between two directions.

The first road seems to be a similar road to the one you’ve been traveling on so far, pretty calm with certainly a few obstacles but overall completely straight and easy to walk on. The second road however, goes up to a beautiful mountain that seems pretty hard to climb.

You then read the sign:

“the destination is the same, yet you won’t get to the same place. One holds a secret that only a few will be willing to find, even if it takes time.”

The secret belongs to the mountain, and it is that its top is al Ihsan. Climbing that mountain won’t be easy, less easy that just not looking to grow your imaan more anyway (that’s if you choose to take the flat route) but so much more fulfilling. Yes, both of these roads lead to Jannah, but not to the same levels. What will allow you to earn a higher level is the efforts you will have done intentionally in this lifetime, for the sake of Allah, as small as they are, to improve.

Ihsan is tied to your consciousness of Allah, resilience through tribulations, care for the simplest things and acceptance of His Qadr. Nowhere does Allah ask us to get perfect result. He asked to follow His commands, to give our best within our means, and to trust Him with the rest, whether it be to provide for us or to grant us the result/lesson that is best for us.

The Illusion of Control & Trusting Allah

One of the hardest truths to accept is that we are not in control of everything. My broken laptop? I could have planned better financially, sure, but at the end of the day, it was written and my rizq is from Allah. Alhamdulillah, I was able to buy a new one eventually and Allah placed more barakah than I thought in whatever was left in my bank account after this big expense.

I ended feeling incredibly grateful, not just for having been able to upgrade, but also, for what this taught me: not having my main work tool meant I had to practice what I always preach, aka mindfulness, consciousness and slowing down. Seriously, I caught myself feeling the urge to open my broken laptop to work at 10pm. And you know what the worst part was? I felt frustrated I couldn’t do it.

It was bad enough that I made it a habit to work this late, let alone feeling bored and lost for not doing so. Luckily, I didn’t feel like scrolling so I got back into reading before bed and oh the difference it made to my sleep quality and mental health Subhan’Allah!

I couldn’t believe something as random as my broken laptop would lead me to question my work/life balance and eventually make me to realize I should in fact work less and not be so hard on myself.

"And it may be that you dislike something while it is good for you, and it may be that you love something while it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you do not know." (2:216)

At the end of the day, doing more doesn’t necessarily mean doing better and doing better doesn’t mean doing perfect. And that’s the thing: perfectionism makes us believe that everything is within our hands, but Islam reminds us that nothing is, except through Allah’s will. Acceptance is therefore certainly one of the keys to contentment and peace of heart.

Letting Go of Perfection & Embracing Growth

I won’t pretend like I’ve completely let go of my perfectionist tendencies, but I can clearly see how I’ve evolved over the years Alhamdulillah. Truth be told: growth happens in the messy, imperfect process of trying while still holding on to His rope, and the beauty of it all is that Allah will reward you specifically for that.

The Prophet ﷺ himself said:

"The most beloved deeds to Allah are those that are consistent, even if they are small." (Bukhari, 6464)

That hadith alone is enough to dismantle the perfectionist mindset. Allah values consistency over intensity, effort over flawlessness, sincerity over performance.

So, if you struggle with these feelings because you don’t always meet your own high standards, remind yourself: your worth is not tied to your results. You do not have to burden yourself beyond your means when He himself doesn’t burden a soul beyond that it can bear. You are enough because He created you with purpose, not because you checked off every goal perfectly.

Someone said “Be kind to yourself, you’re home to your heart” and that embodies all of this… Perfectly :)

Sending you all love and gentleness, especially in this season of reflection and peace. May we learn to embrace ourselves the way Allah does—flawed, but always worthy of His mercy as long as we keep seeking His satisfaction before anything else, Alhamdulillah.

Please let me know if you’ve ever struggled with perfectionism + how you remind yourself to let go and trust Allah, I’d love to hear from you insha’Allah!

Love and du’as,

Assia