☀️ Vitamin Deen #3 - 3 Deep Reflections I've Had this Ramadan
Power of Du'a, Bitterness of Regrets, Gratitude for my Parents
Salam loves ☀️
I hope you are all doing great, I’m sorry I missed last week’s letter — I was actually pretty tired and thought I’d be kind with myself (take this as a sign to do so as well if you feel like you’ve been neglecting yourself lately 🤍).
I can’t believe it’s already been two weeks since Ramadan started Subhan’Allah, time is going faster than ever! I was actually nervous about it, considering this is the time of the year my dad passed away (Allah y rahmo) and grief always catches up on me but Alhamdulillah I’ve actually been really enjoying it. I feel like my soul has been recharging and growing with all the reflections I’ve had and will share with you today.
Before we get into it, please consider donating to the Ramadan campaign I’m holding with MATW to help families in Yemen. The country has been in war for almost 10 years now and 2/3 of its population (so 22 million people) rely on aid to survive.
✨ Donate Here ✨
Remember that charity doesn’t decrease your wealth but the opposite. Jazakum Allah kheir!
The Power of Du’a
So this is something most of you probably thought of before but hear me out: it all started with me observing my mom reciting beautiful, long du’as during Tarawih but also when she’s performing her obligatory prayers and remains minutes in sujood. This made me think that a lot of us, including myself, don’t dedicate enough time to make du’a, not only in Salah but also throughout the day. There are times I don’t even make du’a because of how caught up I get by this dunya… My friend Lamyaa (you might remember her from episode 2 of my podcast) actually shared with me how it used to be her case too and what a game changer it was when she started to deeply focus on her Salah and realised how strong du’as can be when you actually dedicate time to them.
“And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.”
(2:186)
We sometimes underestimate Allah’s power, thinking that He can’t make the impossible possible Astaghfirullah, or that we are unworthy of asking for anything because of our past sins, or that since everything has already been written, du’as won’t change anything (fyi: I actually learned through the Yaqeen Institute Ramadan series ‘Why me?’ that Allah took our supplications and free will into consideration when sealing our fates!)
But here is the main realisation I’ve had: Allah gave us Islam, the biggest blessing ever, without us asking for it — how can we think He will not give us what we ask for? (within the limits of what is halal of course)
You might have been making the same du’a for weeks, months or maybe years and wondering why Allah hasn’t answered yet, to the point you start to believe He is ignoring you. However, du’a is a bit like the islamic version of ‘manifestation’: the better your opinion of Allah, sincerity and acceptance are, the more likely He is to give you more in this life and the next one.
Besides Allah always answers: it is either “Yes, there you go”, “Yes, but later” or “No, but I’ll give you even better”. Subhan’Allah doesn’t all of this make du’a such a special act of worship? It truly allows us to create a deep and loving bond with our Creator beyond praising Him.
With the last ten days and Laylat al Qadr coming soon insha’Allah, it might be a good time to start preparing a list of all the du’as you want to make during this time. Don’t hold back, but don’t make it only about the materialistic stuff or common things like marriage: remember to ask Allah to improve your character, to make it easy for you to learn more Quran, to grant you enough time on Earth so you can earn more good deeds… Be ambitious and keep in mind that nothing is too big or too much to ask to The Master of the Universe.
Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah (saws) said:
“When one of you asks from his Lord, let him ask for even more. Verily, he is asking from his Lord Almighty.”
The Bitterness of Regrets
Ramadan is the month we get to purify ourselves and repent from our past mistakes, including the ones that we previously struggled to genuinely regret or fear falling back into once it is over. It is like a reality check and although we’re often harder on ourselves than we should be, we can’t help but thinking ‘Oh I wish this never happened’ or ‘why did I do this?’. It just feels extra bitter during this blessed time Subhan’Allah, even if you’ve been praying for forgiveness ever since.
There are so many things that can lead us to actions we regret: difficulties in finances, bad influence from so called ‘friends’, being blinded by love, despair after facing the same trial for a long time… Again, our lack of detachment from this dunya pushes us to distract ourselves with what it has to offer rather than facing ourselves and taking care of our imaan. However Ramadan, the only month during which Sheytan is chained, allows to do just that. Is it hard and scary? Yes it can be, because you have to take responsibility and face your ego (speaking of which, you might want to check my latest YouTube video), but once you’ve done the work, you can let it all go. Leave to the past what belongs to it and forgive yourself just like Allah is forgiving you.
I read this quote in the French translated version of “Don’t Be Sad” that was along the ligns of “Why cry over ruined houses when beautiful castles are standing in front of you?”.
Isn’t it so touching?
When you think about it, regrets and guilt are beautiful proofs of faith. The one who doesn’t care about pleasing Allah won’t admit they were wrong nor reminisce their actions with shame. Of course, we’re only human and if Prophet Adam (as) who lived in Jannah disobeyed Allah, there’s absolutely no way we can escape it, and that’s where it gets interesting: with the bitterness of regrets comes the sweetness of lessons and growth. Regrets show that you hate disappointing Allah, that you want your character to align with the principles of Islam and that this for you isn’t the person you want to be nor the person you want to become. It shows your heart is alive and is the first step to sincere repentance, Alhamdulillah!
Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah (saws) said,
“Regret is part of repentance.”
Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 4252
Did you know that the word Ramadan comes from the root word ‘Ramad’ which means ‘burning’? Luckily, Allah allowed you to experience another Ramadan to burn your sins away, get a fresh start and leave this all behind, because guess what: you are not defined by your past, only by your present.
Gratitude for my Parents
While I assumed I would be mostly thinking about my dad this time around, I actually came to grow even more gratitude and appreciation for my mom. What a beautiful, caring and resilient lady Allahuma barek, may Allah grant her (and yours) the highest levels of Jannah.
This hasn’t been easy for her either, losing her best friend and life partner, considering she also lost her mother and sister when she was young and never got to know her father. Therefore, seeing her not being so attached to her faith but also being so devoted to her daughters really moves me. She could have been the type of mother who pressures me to get a more stable and well paid job, to find myself a husband and leave home because why would a 30 year old woman still be living with her, etc. But she never did any of these things: she always encouraged me to do things for the sake of Allah, to place my trust in Him, to do as much good as possible, firmly believing that our time will come too and if not here, then in the Akhirah.
I feel like I’ve taken this for granted at times, in addition to everything she has done and always does for us. I wouldn’t say I was ungrateful, but I didn’t express it to her or to Allah enough, to the level she actually deserves in my opinion. I hug her everyday, I tell her I love her everyday, I love taking her out (and I am aware that being able to do that is a blessing in itself Alhamdulillah) but I haven’t told her “I’m so grateful for you” out loud enough. So this Ramadan, I did and I could tell how happy she was about it — and of course she isn’t doing any of this for recognition but let’s be honest: it is so nice to hear someone is grateful for your existence and the things they do for you. And you know what? This led me to make even more du’as for her!
Now don’t get me wrong, my mom isn’t perfect and there are times of course where we disagree or I don’t understand her stance and which she was different in certain aspects, but this Ramadan made me realise that I should give her some slack. Parents, like us, are living life for the first time. Yes we do have the Quran and Sunnah as guides for us to navigate this life the best way possible but we remain weak creatures with emotions that sometimes don’t make sense to others, with past experiences who led us to develop certain attitudes, habits and traumas. That’s why compassion, forgiveness and respect are so important, generally speaking but even more so with the person who gave birth to you and who hasn’t thought only about herself for a long time now.
Abu Huraira reported:
A man asked the Messenger of Allah (saws) “Who is most deserving of my good company?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your father.”
It doesn’t mean you can’t communicate how you feel or that you can’t play a part in the journey of your parents to become better. Simply do it with gratitude and love for the sake of Allah.
“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.”
(31:14)
I hope you enjoyed today’s letter! I would love to know your Ramadan reflections insha’Allah ✨ Oh and if you’ve started thinking about Eid, you might want to check for ideas here.
Take care!
Love and du’a,
Assia