☀️ Vitamin Deen #5 - Do we always have something to give?
How do you give to others when you don't feel like it or like you have nothing to do so?
Salam loves,
At this point I’m pretty sure my inconsistency on the Internet doesn’t come as a surprise to you, however I actually can’t believe it’s been two months already since the last time I wrote a letter here!
I’ve reflected a lot upon the reason why it’s become more difficult for me to be present for my community, why I haven’t been using my voice in my content as much as I used to, and beside the fact that yes, I’ve been busy with work and a new project (more on that in the next one insha’Allah), I’ve also accepted that my introvert self simply doesn’t always feel like talking, and especially when I feel like I don’t have much to share.
Sharing is caring… Until it’s not
As Muslims, we should be driven by community matters and get excited about our involvement in the Ummah, whatever way that might be. When you think about it, it surely is an act of ‘ibadah and something our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ would be proud of.
But here is the thing: Community doesn’t come first, Allah does. You can, and should, share everything with Him. You don’t give Him anything but He keeps giving to you and when you’ll be standing in front of Him, you’ll also be asked about your intentions and how much you sought people’s appreciation instead of His.
To be frank, I often felt like it was my responsibility to provide content and advice to my community who I love, so I felt guilty whenever I wasn’t even if I knew it was the right thing to do, until I realised this: if my imaan is on a low, if I’m not as healthy or productive as I usually aim, why would I force myself? Why would my intentions behind that actually be? How can I be fully present and care for others when what I actually need to do is to be present and care for my soul first?
“How can I be fully present and care for others when what I actually need to do is to be present and care for my soul first?”
I’ve always been transparent and truthful to what I was actually experiencing. In fact, it is normal to sometimes not feel as excited about wearing hijab, not be as focused in your salah or feel sad because of the fact you still haven’t found the right partner. As long as you don’t let yourself get used to these thoughts and instead go back to taking care of your bond with Allah, then it’s all part of the journey of a normal Muslimah.
This time though, my imaan had been getting better but I still didn’t feel like putting myself out there for one specific reason : I felt like I was just repeating myself and therefore, not being neither creative or particularly useful.
Nothing to give anymore?
This thought struck me and surprised me because I’ve always believed that if someone didn’t come across my words before, then maybe hearing them now or hearing them again could make the biggest change in their life. You can always be a mean through which Allah guides someone and the Quran has been the exact same for the past 1400+ years yet still keeps teaching us wonderful life lessons overtime. Therefore, how did I reach a point where I started thinking I didn’t have anything to give anymore?
Well, comparison and imposter syndrome had yet again a lot to do with this. If you’ve listened to my podcast’s episode with Ghena from Deen&Chai then you would know how I fluctuate a lot between telling myself “I want, I can and I should share with people what I’ve been learning from Islam” but also “Who do I think I am to do so?”. I don’t feel like this is fair to myself or to anyone who loves mindfully sharing about our beautiful deen too even if they don’t have a certain status or authority, but with so many more people sharing about this topic, I wasn’t sure about what value I could add, what more I could bring to the table.
It is sad how the overconsumption of content, products and even people nowadays has led us to doubt our abilities to make a positive change, or rather, downplay even the smallest impact you can have on someone. There’s so many ways you can be a source of kheyr for people, and that’s why I love Islam so much: we might not be Prophets, we might not be Messengers, but we still have a role to play in representing and spreading the precious values and lessons they taught us.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “By Allah, that Allah guides a man through you is better for you than a herd of expensive red camels.”
A few hours ago, I was complaining about how The Mizaan has been one of the biggest blessings of my life because of how much good it brought to me and people around the world, yet I didn’t understand why I wasn’t granted with certain things I’d love to have but see others enjoying instead. I started crying because I hate when I get like this and immediately asked Allah to forgive me. I believe He heard and made me find this aforementioned hadith as a way to not only tell me He accepted my istighfar, but also as a reminder of how everything you do for His sake, all the times you’ve been trying to help a brother or a sister to get closer to Him, is worth so much more than all the wealth you could have in this dunya. Subhan’Allah His answers always hit deeply and make you realise how important it is to be just and compassionate to yourself, just like He is to you.
Let me know if this resonates with you insha’Allah. Oh and also! Make sure to watch my latest YouTube video if you haven’t already, I think it ties in nicely with this topic :)
Love and du’as,
Assia