Vitamin Deen #7 - Why is being a Muslim woman so intense?
This dunya is rough, but especially for us.
Salam everyone,
How are you all doing? I’ve missed writing and thought I’d try getting back into it slowly, bismillah!
Okay so, let me start by saying this: being a Muslim woman can feel intense. The expectations, the responsibilities, balancing our faith, emotions, personal aspirations and everything around that… It’s a lot and it all comes with unique layers of intensity. Alhamdulillah though, faith acts as an anchor—and the truth is, intensity isn’t inherently bad. It’s a sign of depth, of purpose, a sign that Allah tests and loves us but it can naturally weigh pretty heavy at times.
Let’s dive into the reasons behind this and what we can take from it all.
Our Cycles aren’t built for our Rhythms
One of the reasons life feels different for us is that our bodies don’t operate on a 24-hour cycle like men—they function on a 28-day cycle.
For years, we’ve tried to fit our lives into a rigid productivity model, only to feel exhausted and overwhelmed. The thing is, our hormones shift throughout the month, affecting not only our energy levels but also our focus, emotions, and even sometimes our spiritual connection to Allah. Therefore, it is so important to actually listen to our bodies and adapt depending on how they evolve throughout this time period.
Watch my “How to stay close to Allah during your period” video here
Personally, living with endometriosis has added a heavier physical and emotional weight that deeply impacts my daily life and consequently, my imaan. On my lower days, I wonder why I have to go through this, how I sometimes have to sit to pray because I feel to tired to stand up and like I’m stuck in the body of a 80 year old when I’m only 30… Yet, when I say Astaghfirullah and put things into perspective, I remember it is only when I got diagnosed that I started trying to slow down, to align my routines with my cycle, that I saw how I could work with my body, not against it, and actually really take care of the amanah it is—all of this without ever giving up on my religious practise Alhamdulillah.
Allah created us in a certain way that we shouldn’t deny or neglect but instead learn to embrace.
The Expectations We Carry
As Muslim women, we often find ourselves pulled in different directions: being a successful professional, being a devoted daughter, sister, or wife, being the perfect Muslimah…
The result? An overwhelming pressure to be everything to everyone.
But here’s a reminder I often give myself: Allah doesn’t expect results, He expects continuous effort. Every time we prioritize pleasing Him, the Creator, over pleasing others, the Creation, we’re already succeeding Subhan’Allah.
You know, as the oldest daughter, I’ve carried a lot of expectations on my shoulders for years (and i’m sure many of you will relate to that). Therefore, I’ve always worked really hard but also known I wanted to marry someone I can genuinely rely on, someone who aligns with my values and that would comfort me in my right to simply be a woman. This feeling got even stronger ever since I lost my dad (Allah y rahmo). Yes, I can do many things, but do I want to be doing this many things? Well, at least not for the rest of my life!
I truly value the role a man should play in a family and how Allah created us in pairs so of course I want to experience it and I guess feel a sense of relief that I can finally let go of certain things. But here’s the catch: I don’t actually want to rush it. I don’t want to marry for the sake of appearances or to fit into someone else’s timeline. I don’t want to tick a box and downplay divorce to an easy solution in case it doesn’t work eventually. I want someone who I will spend the rest of my life with insha’Allah, grow closer to Allah with in addition to feeling right and that isn’t easy to find, but also, I’m sure, will happen when the timing is right according to Him
In a world where we’re constantly told that “time is running out” it is so important to prioritize intentions over expectations. This isn’t always easy. The questions, the unsolicited advice, the comparison — believe me, I know it can feel overwhelming. But trust that Allah’s plan will unfold in the best way.
Watch my “If you’re a single Muslimah, watch this” video here
Balancing Passion and Fitrah
You guys know, I have a deep passion for my projects and entrepreneurship—it genuinely fuels me. Yet, as I aforementioned, my fitrah (natural disposition defined by Allah) draws me toward something slower, something softer. This duality got me wondering:
How do I embrace the hustle of building my dreams while staying true to a life of calm, softness and sakinah?
How do I balance my ambitions with my need and love for slow living?
Again, I’ve learned to give myself permission to pause and not be so hard on myself. I’m feeling unwell because of my menses? I’ll ask to postpone the call I had planned. I can feel anxiety piling up internally? I’ll grab a bike to wander around Paris or take myself to a solo coffee date with a book. I feel I have no energy? I’ll sleep more and cook myself a nutritious yet delicious meal. The currency of time that I invested in these instead of work doesn’t have to feel like a waste because the truth is, I wouldn’t have been productive anyways, so I might as well slow down and recharge so I can give my best then.
Success, I’ve come to realize, doesn’t always mean more. More often than not, it means less—less clutter, less noise, and more meaningful moments, quality over quantity, being in the present moment and learning to show the same amount of consideration I give to others to myself. Doing this doesn’t mean you’re selfish, but it means you need to listen to your inner self, to introspect often so you can not only bloom as a woman but also deepen your bond to Allah.
Watch my “How to love yourself for the sake of Allah” video here
You Are Not Alone
Every Muslim woman is navigating her own version of intensity. Think about the legacy of the wonderful women in Islam: Maryam (as), Khadijah (ra) or Hajar (ra) are women who faced some of the toughest challenges but carried themselves with unwavering faith and strength. These women weren’t just examples of spiritual devotion for us—they embodied resilience, leadership, and faith in action. Their stories remind us that the intensity we feel as Muslim women is part of a greater narrative of strength and purpose. Allah wrote them for us to truly find solace and seek comfort in Him, the One who knows our hearts better than anyone else and knows what we’re truly capable of enduring for His sake. In fact, by telling us “He does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear” (2:286), He shows us how much He values us and believes in us, isn’t that such an honor?
Watch my “healing from grief, heartbreak & disease” video here
In conclusion, here’s a few things to take away from today’s note:
Slow down and Set Healthy Boundaries: Take time for yourself and protect your peace.
Trust Allah’s Timing: He knows the path you’re walking, even when it feels uncertain.
Redefine “Success”: doing better for your projects and yourself doesn’t necessarily mean doing more.
Reframe the Intensity: Instead of seeing it as a burden, view it as a reflection of your strength and purpose.
Connect with the Quran and the Sunnah: It’s where we find the most comfort and clarity—especially in moments of doubt.
What about you? What part of being a Muslim woman feels the most intense for you? I’d love to hear your story.
May Allah grant us ease in our journeys, purpose in our struggles, and barakah in every step we take.
Love and du’as,
Assia
Reminded me of what Sayyidah ʿĀʾishah (RA) said: "I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women."
Mashallah, beautiful post and video. May you reach your goals 💕💕