☀️ Vitamin Deen #6 - Why you need to stop taking people online as role models
Have our standards lowered that much?
Salam everyone,
Today, I wanted to share with you a few thoughts on a topic that I believe is not addressed enough.
See, I’ve been on social media for over four years now and whether it comes to my content in English or French, I’ve noticed a recurring pattern that I’ve never felt super comfortable with: being considered as a role model.
The matter of intentions
I know what you guys might say “this is a good thing! Why is there an issue with people looking up to you if you’re a mean through which they get closer to Allah?” and to that I would say you are right — that was even the topic of my previous letter! In fact, I always tell myself that the initial intention of sharing such words is positive and sincere, especially considering I’ve also often shared the things I had a hard time with in a way that is relatable to a lot of people. That’s actually why I created my page in the first place: I used to idealise the scholars and imams I followed and kind of felt like they didn’t have the same type of struggles, so I wanted to have a safe space where people could find comfort in knowing they’re not alone experiencing whatever they’re experiencing as “normal muslims”.
Overtime, my perception completely evolved Subhan’Allah, and especially when I started witnessing comments and messages of people assuming that because I was sharing islamic lifestyle tips and my self-improvement journey, that meant I was necessarily more knowledgable and pure hearted than they were and that didn’t sit right.
On one hand, knowing Islam doesn’t actually mean you understand its essence. Some people memorise the Quran, perform many supererogatory prayers but don’t realise that Islam isn’t just about practise. If you don’t actually meditate and embrace what you learn, what’s actually the point of it?
On the other hand, education is essential as Muslims. The more you learn, the more you want to learn and the more Allah makes it easy for you to learn. You just need to 1. know why you’re doing it and 2. be very aware of the things you must improve on and that Allah is concealing for you to the eyes of the world.
Umar ibn al-Khattab reported:
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “O Allah, make what is within me better than my outward appearance and make my outward appearance righteous. O Allah, I ask You for the righteousness of what You give to people of property, family, and children without being misguided or misguiding others.”
No one but Him truly knows you
I’ll share with you a pretty personal anecdote: a few days ago, a brother came to me very respectfully in the street, hoping we could chat for a bit with the clear intention of marriage before asking for my number. I won’t get into the few reasons why I didn’t want this to move forward, but he was so certain about what he perceived of me for only a few minutes that at first, he didn’t accept my decision over texts, even after I specifically told him “remember you don’t actually know me”. He seemed so flabbergasted by the way I present myself to the world that he wouldn’t hear the possibility of me not actually living up to his expectations (besides, as flattering as it might be, my experience showed me that you should never get too excited from the start — but that’s a topic for another time!)
One of the things I’m most grateful for in my life and that I mentioned in my book is how I look pretty trustworthy (and Alhamdulillah I think I am haha!), but from what you see of me at first or what I decide to show online, you wouldn’t necessarily imagine the things I’m not doing right, correct? Modesty and wearing hijab certainly act as a symbol of piety, just like being calm and respectful in your speech, but that doesn’t mean anything about the state of your heart, and while I am a huge advocate for giving the benefit of the doubt and seeing the good in people, I think your niya should be just as everything else: balanced.
Say, ˹O Prophet, “Whether you conceal what is in your hearts or reveal it, it is known to Allah. For He knows whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And Allah is Most Capable of everything.”
(3:29)
The importance of reason…
You probably got my point: Islam is a religion of reason and we need to be reasonable in everything we do, including the most common things such as consuming content online. Ultimately, it is great to follow someone who motivates you to become a better muslimah and kind of holds you accountable for making progress, just like a gym buddy would for example. However, the true models of Islam aren’t people online who again, if they make it a point to share useful and truthful information, are lucky Allah is covering their sins for them.
The reason why I think our standards have lowered is because nowadays, we tend to look up to strangers on the Internet before the true models of Islam. The Prophets, the wives of the Prophets, the companions, all these people who highly contributed to the history of our deen. Those are the ones whose journeys, characters and lessons make us question ourselves and grow. Besides that, we can all agree that our main source of guidance is the Quran, and although some people incarnate some of its principles, radiate from within and can be sources of inspiration for us, they will never be as seamlessly perfect as the words of our Lord.
One thing that I’d like to think is that Allah reminding us of His 99 names doesn’t only serve the purpose of increasing the sincerity of ou ‘ibadah and love for Him: they also stand as a constant reminder of the things He loves to see in His servants and therefore, as qualities we should strive to acquire in our lifetime.
… And leading by example
Now I’ll finish this letter with an important point: anyone who thinks they do not represent Islam in a way is certainly mistaken. That will never mean people should rip you off and forget about kindness when you make a mistake or sin, as there’s a way to remind a brother or a sister about the commands of Allah, but we do have a responsibility to develop taqwa and therefore, do our best to illustrate Islam the best way possible, especially through akhlaq. One tip to do that is to ask yourself these simple questions:
Would Allah be pleased with the decision I’m taking/the action I’m doing?
What would Prophet Muhammad ﷺ advise in that specific situation?
Indeed, no one is irreproachable, even the best people you see online, but if Allah asked us to not expose our sins, that is for valuable reasons: preserving our honour as muslims, and always show what Islam is truly about in a world that keeps depicting it in the worst ways. I find this to be a great mission for us, something that gives us the opportunity to seek a greater purpose in this dunya that serves our Ummah beyond your own little selves.
Abu Huraira narrated:
I heard Allah's Messenger ﷺ saying. "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people).
What are your thoughts about this? Are there people online you look up to with a mindful eye that you’d like to share?
Let me know insha’Allah!
Love and du’as,
Assia